Writing From The Grey Fields

Sometimes I slip into the grey fields , for the most parts I wander the footpath on the edge and I have for all my adult life . Spectacular drops off into it were after the birth of my son 22 years ago , I really was looking for the numbers on the side of his head it wasnt a game it was post natal depression on a grand scale , hallucinations the works .  Not helped by a totally indifferent partner of the pull yourself together frame of mind . Lovely doctor helped me through that .
Then I had two car accidents in the space of three months and was having panic attacks every time I got in a car . Medication really helped that at the time .
My dad dying and my divorce was helped along by some lovely ladies at Stoneham who did a lot of work with me and helped me get away from my vile ex .
So every now and then I have a nasty wobble , got up this morning and cant face work , so im turning my phone off , usually my trigger is exhaustion , which is fair enough, im working hideous hours and Mr BH isnt sleeping so hes keeping me awake ,I  plan to go back to bed and snore if i can . But Mr Bah Humbug has pointed out its my mother that has set me off , he knows me to well . We had a real gritted teeth conversation yesterday .

Why havent you rung me for three weeks?
( thought to myself , because youre never at home or asleep pissed in front of the TV , have you never thought to ring me? shes rung me twice in 10 years )

Because ive been at work all hours mother

Its not good enough , do you know Margarets daughter rings her every day ?

Yes mother

Marys in the hospital liver failure , shes got to give up drinking or she will die , what am i supposed to do shes not going to want to go on days out is she ?
(code for days out is use your free bus pass , to go to another town , shop till opening time then sit and get leathered while having a pensioner special lunch )

Maybe you could both give up drinking together?

Thats your trouble , you chose to live a miserable life . You should be more selfish and live for yourself . Get rid of all those useless hangers on you live with .

AND THEN SOMETHING JUST SNAPPED

Do you mean like you got rid of me mother ?

Here we go, more of your imaginary bullshit , making up stories about your uncle so you can cash in like those folks on the TV . You had potential and look where its got you . You have done nothing with your life that i can be proud of . Your dragging your daughter down , she'll soon leave you and get on with her life , shes just like me. I bet that idle creature you live with is black thats why you dont bring him here .
(deafening silence)

Well its good to see that your feeling well  mother. Goodbye !!

I shant ring her for 4 weeks this time !!!!
And I must add my daughter is lovely and nothing like her damned grandmother!!