Secret Dead Blog Contest: Blurb Me!

Yesterday a big box of Blonde trade paperbacks arrived (out in stores next Tuesday!) and as is custom here at Secret Dead Blog, I want to give a few of them away. Remember: this isn't your grandmother's paperback reprint. This edition contains a brand-new, never-before-seen, 13,000 word novella called "Redhead," which is a direct sequel to the crazy shit that happens in The Blonde.

But since it's brand-new, and never-before-seen... and almost nobody reviews paperback reprints... or weird-ass stories the author stuck in the back... I won't have any snazzy "Redhead" blurbs from the trades.

Which is where you come in.

The rules of this contest? Simple. Write a fake blurb for "Redhead" and post it in the comments section below. Yes, sight-unseen. (Unless you've somehow scored an early copy.) The blurb can be positive, negative, funny, dark, or just plain bizarre. It can play around with the fact that you haven't read a single word of "Redhead." In fact, it probably should. The contest will run until this Friday at noon (EST); the coolest, funniest blurbs will win free signed copies of the new edition of The Blonde.

Easy, right? May the best fake-blurbist win.